Often when I do self reflection, I think back on all of the embarrassing things I have said or done. Which results in me cringing at myself. But who doesn't? This is pretty frequent, but occasionally, I will have a break through. After having one of these sessions recently, (usually late at night when I have nothing better to do) I had a major realization. I had noticed that throughout my life, I have been a people pleaser. Now being a people pleaser isn't a bad thing, but it isn't a great one either. In the moment you may feel in control, and that everyone around you enjoys being around you. Until you realize that you aren't being genuine. While thinking about this concept, I had realized that I wasn't one hundred percent sure who I was. Was I a chill, free-spirited person? Maybe more uptight? I didn't know. Which scared me. How does someone who is eighteen not know at least a little bit of who they are? So, after my little self-loathing session, I made some changes.
I had realized that some of the people in my life wasn't good for me and made connections back to them. I had realized that one of my major causes of anxiety was self-driven. I was worried about them not liking the real me. We were so different and I had to change my personality so much that I was uncomfortable. I was being submissive to the ideas that they told me instead of speaking my mind. I had gone quiet when we had disagreements instead of sticking up for myself. I tried to please a person that I didn't like, which made zero sense.
It's normal to want people to like you, but when you are sacrificing time, energy, and yourself for someone who wouldn't do the same in the effort to get positive attention, you are being self-destructive. This is something I wish I had known earlier. In life, you are going to experience people who just don't like you. And that's okay! There are people that you don't mesh well with. There's no hard feelings! So if you are a people pleaser like I am, just realize that it is okay to take time for yourself. It is okay to be a little upset when someone doesn't like you. But don't let it define you. Make sure you as a person know who you are!
Hey Sarah, I know how it feels to realize that maybe you aren't the character you have been building yourself up to be, personally I had an identity crisis recently due to this fact. Bending over backwards to please others is definitely not the way to go but I know I am guilty of this and had a four year toxic friendship because of it. I have to say reading your entry made me think back to that friendship and how crippled I had felt when I ended it... When a sore gets infected we have to clean it and sterilize it which typically will hurt but the healing will be so much better in doing so. Thank you for your thoughts and look forward to reading another entry of yours.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah, I completely understand where you are coming from. I think everyone our age has had at least one friend that did not turn out to be good for us. High school made me realize that we have this itch to please people, we want everyone to like us. Which is a self-destructive thought that cannot be healthy for us. There are always going to be people that envy/ dislike you. Your entry has reminded me of past friendships that did not end well. But it also made me realize that the end of those relationships was the best outcome for mine and the other person's mental state. There is no point in being in a "friendship" where both people do not want to be there. I really enjoyed reading this entry and I will definitely be reading more from you.
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah, I couldn't relate to anything more! My whole life I have always put others before myself which included their happiness. I was so desperate to get their approval and remain in their life, that when we started to drift apart I didn't know who I was, what I believe, and what to do because my whole life revolved around them and their approval. This continued all the way through high school. I let people say what they want and do what they want because in was so scared of the idea of someone not liking me. Now I have separated myself from all those people and I am staring to live my life for me and my approval
ReplyDeleteHi Sarah, I do agree with the though of being a people please isn't a bad thing however it not a good thing either. Both sides have pros and cons, however the person should be able to think freely and act themselves and not just pretend for the other person. It takes a lot of energy to not be yourself and just please the other person. Especially, its hard when the other person does not even care about you either. I am really happy that you took the time to realize that, it is such a discovery you made about yourself.
ReplyDeleteHi, Sarah. Your blog is looking pretty good so far. You have some good ideas and topics for discussion, and you are doing a pretty good job developing your content; keep digging into the significance of your topics to keep creating connection and engagement for your audience. Your writing flow and tone are very engaging. Always keep rhetoric in mind, and keep editing carefully. Good visual appeal as well.
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